Using Jealousy-Not Turning away

(Part 2)

What Jealousy Might Actually Be Telling You about

Love and Security

Most people think jealousy is an inherently negative emotion—something to be suppressed, ignored, or eliminated as quickly as possible.

It has the potential to leave us feeling exposed, vulnerable.

Maybe showing more of your cards then you have let even know at that stage of your relationship. And it may be also educating giving us a more accurate temperature check of where our emotions with this person are actually landing. This might be more serious to our subconscious that we have allowed ourselves to recognize.

To this day, as supportive, as experienced that I am now navigating open relationships, even discussing them I will inevitably have some level of jealousy. And I've learned to use this jealousy in relationships as a tool, that I may work through privately. As we navigate opening things up.

I'm a philosophy major and really great at using Logic to help take the heat out of things and approach it more soberly later.

It serves me very well.

This logic, and its application at diffusing unexamined emotions does especially well breaking down an issue on paper, as it were. So that the power dissipates as the pieces become more easily analyzed when they're apart.

But our subconscious may not be so satisfied and continue sending up some emotional cues that flat out don't feel good.

Signaling to me, there is a mismatch to what my gut may be feeling as true, and what my mind has rationalized and I absolutely need to listen and seek for clarity through reconciliation if possible of the two.

This deserves to be recognized.

Not glossed over.

Or written off.

An absolutely not minimized

because of some sort of idea that

men don't get hurt and definitely don't show if they are,

From things like jealousy; which can mean we actually care about someone and care enough for they're specific attention. Where jealousy now has the opportunity to be a legit gut punch because now it involves someone we actually care for.

If we didn't, we wouldn't give a shit and let them go.

No, you and they both know that you're feelings when at least deep enough to cause this, because we obviously actually care. Maybe this is news to you or your partner!

1. Be honest with yourself by simply acknowledging a feeling jealousy has been felt.

2. Don't qualify it. place blame. Or minimize it away so you don't have to deal with anything; just a frank acknowledgment to yourself.

3. This is our emotion to own, no one else has to change or do anything just because we are feeling something. Especially not until we've sought to unravel and look for sources.

4. Start poking around!

Where Dan Savage offered such a thin and watered down response, we step in now and just ask ourselves some questions.

This is where we begin developing wisdom over adopted theory.

• Allow for things to get uncomfortable for a bit. Look for it even, as those uncomfortable spaces inside of ourselves are usually where the good stuff makes itself known.

• Acknowledge if you are drawn to new questions, allowing yourself to follow them deeper potentially.

• This may not bring us to some satisfying, clean answers. More of a dead-end allowing us the opportunity to admit, "I do not have the answer for this right now." And you may not have an answer for years to come, if ever; or simply need a little distance from the moment to gain better perspective, not in the thick of it.

• Just be brave enough to sit with a question, not always looking for an answer, but end towards asking better questions.

  
  

Are we reacting in response to something from our past?

• Only focusing on the negative outcome that came before instead of what the positive potential new outcome could feel and look like.

• Not allowing for new outcomes by telling our self, we know how it's going to turn out already.

• Are there fears running unchecked, potentially warping our interpretation of what's actually happening? Fears of things that haven't even happened yet, which we use to justify our withdrawal as self preservation.

The goal is to allow, to expect people in situations to be different and be better. Allowing our life experience to to recognize behaviors or situations that may become a problem without simply retreating behind and remaining behind walls because it's safer there.

Learning how to remain pliable as we age and are exposed to it all is what makes those certain personalities completely stand out in their later years has still being enjoyed to be around.

Where have we put up barriers to keep people out, to keep us safe? Where have we harden ourselves to protect soft spots from being hurt again?

Are we actively in those type of situations where we still need to be protected in this way? To be so removed that we remain untouchable? And if we are still in the situations, why have we allowed ourselves to remain there and not taking care of ourselves to change things?

Think you're amazing, complex mind that it did what it needed to do at the time to protect us with those defense behaviors. No need to condemn aspects of ourselves or feel ashamed or judgmental that we haven't moved on.

Then with that gratitude, I allow yourself to let go and become vulnerable again. This is where the joy is, the adventure with risk and exposure, and the opportunity to be surprised again and from this fresh energetic place watch as the world Leeanne even closer just to be around the personalities that remind us of what it was like to be young, when that joy and optimism still ran strong because we didn't know to be afraid yet just how rough things might get. Were the magic now is not from the simple place of immaturity, but the infinitely more satisfying, State of genuine power that resonates from those who were choosing to find the joy to seek out the magic and speak of the beauty they look for and so they find in a life that they also now know can hit so fucking hard it wipes your plate clean after we spent so much time spentto fill it and how done we thought we were.

It's when we decide not to stay down, to rebuild, to risk having it all happen again that you'll end up finding that those initial low points don't usually come again with the same intensity that brought us so low before.

You've gone through it before, you rebuilt, you've shown yourself what resiliency can feel like what the Reality actually is when everything you're afraid of happening does happen and you chosen to rise again. That's Power.

The wisdom and maturity of those brave enough, not to just choose to live on their knees

Henri Ford found her five different bankruptcies before making it. I'll come together and one of the most successful companies America has ever seen. He clearly got comfortable learning how to pivot, I never decided just to roll over instead of believing in himself.

At my mom's funeral, they're probably 20 of her friends there that I had the pleasure of getting to know over the years. And these were alcoholic women that head truly done the work and come out the other side from low points. Most of us will be blessed to never know.

And they did this, not in some private secret way, but by standing in rooms of strangers where you get to hear them freely offer stories of having their children taken away nowhere to live, and being picked up on street corners because they had shipped themselves were brought to a hospital by strangers, the stories go on and are absolutely wild. And they dug into levels of introspection, but we also mostly will never be called to do but just look at the type of human being and how solid they are standing in front of you. Not asking or needing our approval because they've told themselves they're worthwhile and they've done the work.

None of this has to be as hard as any of that,

but look at the things we are capable of facing, processing and coming out the other side!

We can definitely spend a little time with some jealousy, especially when it may result in some really hot and fun times with someone we love or just some more fun in general with ourselves and Humanity.

Wow

our partner's behavior or approach. and maybe even offer remedies

_____

What if we use our jealousy and break it down into just information directing our attention to things which could use a little of our time.

And the last part of this topic we get into:

Instead of asking

“How do I stop feeling jealous?” 

try

“Why am I feeling jealous?” 

Two questions on the same subject, which lead to entirely different destinations.